XENA EPISODES: Season 1:3 Dreamworker

This episode starts off by gabby using a sword and pretending to fight off a bad guy. Xena comes in and scares her. She tells Gabby that using a sword isn’t a toy if she pulls one she better be able to use it. So Gabby is like so shouldn’t you teach me how to defend myself. Which is a perfectly legitimate question, so Xena of course says no she must like her women innocent. Well, Xena ends up telling Gabrielle to run, run, run in order to survive if she finds she can’t run talk her way out of it then run

You mean you won't teach me self defense?

Any who, some dudes again for seemingly no reason decide to attack them for the horses. Just a word for the wise do not go travelling in ancient Greece if you get your hands on a time machine it be dangerous.

Studies show flossing after every meal greatly improves dental hygiene

So while the dudes are fighting Xena her sword gets kicked out of her hand and little Gabby picks it up and mimics Xena’s war cry which is probably the fuckin cutest shit I ever heard.

Umm, I was just kidding

Then Xena saves her, after the fight is over there are a couple of dudes in some bushes, creepin how they do talking about Gabby and how she has a fire and didn’t get blood on her hands gggrrroooooss! Anyway, that’s the set up.

Xena your so wise, but let me ask one more time so no self defense?

heh, heh highschool girls

They go into a town and Xena is scolding Gabrielle on how she handled that fight. It’s cute how much Gabrielle likes Xena, that’s all she seemingly has on her mind. She thought she could help take the heat of Xena by being bait or something. Gabrielle you are a level 1 character. We can’t even tell which class you are yet. Xena is obviously a warrior I’d say she’s ready for the toughest raid!! Anyway they decide to go get some supplies.

Xena goes into a shop and meets a Fat dude with a untrimmed Mustache he looks like the type of guy who would do a shitty job fixing the transmission on an old 80’s car.

Can I interest you in an Auto Trader? We only have last months.

He is beaming over seeing Gabrielle and keeps asking Xena questions about her like if she killed a dude. Xena is obviously a little concerned about this and wants to know what’s up and the guy is like no reason when a blind dude who looks like he smells comes in. Get this his name is ELTON!!OR Elkton whatever.

But the fat store owner aint havin that and kicks him out dude just wants a halter for his horse. Xena is all like whaaa just sell the dude what he wants and the stupid store owner is all like he a mystic and dat shiz be crazy. So basically they are just prejudice Xena buys the old guy a halter and he is happy.

This feels perfect in my hand.

Now while all this is going on Gabrielle is supposed to be off buying salted meats. But she ends up in a sword shop. Everyone seems really interested if Gabrielle has killed someone or not. She hasn’t but she leads on to the shop owner like she has. He is all like you don’t look like a warrior but that’s her power than compares her to a seed in eagle poop. Gabrielle buys a breast dagger.

This also makes your tits look huge!

Xena notices right away, and tells her she seems bigger.

Is that a breast dagger or are you just teasing me?

Gabrielle is like no it’s the air makes her feel motivated Xena asks if Gabrielle had a sorcerer enhance her motives and then the Breast dagger falls out and Xena is a little peeved cause she don’t want nothing to happen to her little Gabrielle but she keeps the breast dagger. Gabrielle jokes ha isn’t like your breasts aren’t dangerous enough. It’s like whoa whoa little lady. Simmer Down now.

Simmer!

Xena’s breasts are only mildly dangerous.

Friends notice each other's breast sizes all the time!

Ok fast forward, dudes with rams on their heads are guys called mystics they steal Gabrielle cause she hasn’t killed anyone and they want to make her the bride of Morpheus.

Xena really likes Gabrielle so she goes after them. She ends up at Eltons house. Has to go into a dreamscape to get to Gabrielle.

Blind people don't bathe!

Gabrielle is in a dungeon and they are trying to get Gabrielle to kill a dude cause Morpheus is a kinky basterd who wants to take maidens after they kill people. Gabrielle takes all this in stride mostly cause she is awesome.

Elton tells Xena she is the one he had a dream about that destroyed Morpheus Xena is all like yea that’s me. So he put’s her in a dream stance. *ALERT* girls if a blind old man tells you he has a dream about you then wants to put you in a deep sleep it’s probably exactly like this scenario.

Seems legit

Anyway Gabrielle is told she has to fight to the death. And she is like Yikes I don’t wanna do that. Mostly, cause she is awesome.

Xena enters her dream scape and is told that Morpheus is going to use her own mind against her. She starts to see things that haunt her from her past. Xena, did anyone tell you that you used to be a bitch? Oh, so far in every episode. I’m sensing a pattern; except no balance beam. Xena has to fight her memories to get to Gabrielle.

Gabrielle Where you is girl!

In the first fight sequence Gabby does the old Sneeze trick and gets them to kill themselves.

Hey, your not an 18 year old girl!

The next one she talks them into fighting each other to kill her first and they all end up dying Gabrielle has not killed yet. Xena is still fighting her past to get there. Xena does show up finally! Christ, and tells Gabrielle not to kill! Gabrielle does tell Xena she was born with an extra toe. She tells Xena not to stare at that, yet she doesn't mind Xena staring at her chest? Isn't she engaged what a slut.

Why did you get the suite?

Meanwhile, the ram head guys are after Elton and Xena’s body.

The Last guy Xena has to fight to get out of the dreamscape is guess what HERSELF! She vanquishes herself. Reunites with her body just in time to save Gabrielle!!